I’ll be your first kiss, your first love, your first friend & you’ll be my whole world… I’m your momma & you’re my ‘sun’
When you’re old enough – my son – you’ll learn that the first woman who ever loved you, who ever thought how beautiful you were (and still are), who couldn’t stop staring at you the minute she first laid eyes on you & wrapped you in her arms, who knew that love at first sight is not a myth is, in fact, me… your mom. Yet, I know I don’t possess you & never will. God chose me to be your mom not your wife. Even if you stay single, your life is what you choose it to be. But, maybe one day you’ll meet the woman in your life (not too soon I fancy). And hopefully I will not have to compete for your love & time because I know she will have the preeminence in your life (Ephesians 5:31).
People say it’s hard to let go of daughters but it’s even harder to let go of sons. I’ll pass on this one. But, they probably say this because boys tend to immerse themselves in their own family’s affairs & seldom have time for their parents. As opposed to daughters who juggle their time between their own new family & their parents/siblings/friends as a way of life. Of course, this is not written in stone. But, as of right now, all I know is that you’re mine for the time being & I don’t intend on wasting it!
“To a son, his mother is the first & most constant expression of what a woman is”- Ron Elmore
People often tell me how beautiful & lovable you are and they leave me wondering, “Can they really see what I see in you or are they just being nice?”… I will make myself happy & go with the former. “Will they ever understand the power of your smile over me?” I know not. And probably never will. All who are mothers may have a hint.
“My son, watching you grow has been a delight. I look at you & wonder what dreams you will dream, what mountains you will climb, what joys you will have. I know there will be tears, but my prayer is that you will grow into the man you are meant to be.”- Unknown
The day your dad & I were scheduled for the appointment to get a 4D ultrasound & find out your gender, I was a nervous wreck. Yes, I’d rehearsed a gazillion times in my mind that either way I couldn’t go wrong. If I had a girl she’d be of great company to your big sister. If I had a boy I’d have both sexes, yippie! I was honestly rooting for a boy, but knew I’d be perfectly OK if I had another girl. Yet, I couldn’t understand why my mind was making such a big deal out of it, but it did. I mean it’s not like the physician was going to tell us: “It’s a martian for you guys.”
Our mind has a way of making us feel things we don’t properly understand at the moment. Now that I think of it, it was probably due to the fact that if I had a boy I would have to adjust many things into place, from the color of the crib’s bed sheets to overcoming my insecurities of the right ways to bond with my son – which clearly are different from my daughter’s. I was so used to “raising” a daughter (for a year & ten months) hence my focus on
pink purple. That after the female physician said “boy” my mind started racing at the speed of light, picturing all the things that I will go through in life with a son. From the way I would potty train you, to your first date & those hairy strong arms that would wrap around me every time you’d said hi or bye. I can’t wait for them… Oh yes I can!
When I broke the news that my second child was going to be a boy, I was bombarded with all sorts of comments such as, “You’re going to fall madly in love with your little boy”… but I’m madly in love with my daughter, how is that any different? – I thought … “Little boys love their mommies”… ok, just as little girls do – I assumed. I’ve heard that mothers & sons have a special bond… Boy, was I in for a treat!
My love for you & your sister is amazingly different… yet astoundingly equal.
“Help me raise a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak & brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat & humble and gentle in victory.”- Douglas MacArthur