She let go

images (2)She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.  She let go of the judgments.  She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.  She let go of the committee of indecision within her.  She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She just let go.  She let go of all of the memories that held her back.  She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.  She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

– Poem by Rev. Safire Rose

Give yourself permision to just let go…

 

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My life’s motto

love others

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35 life lessons on my 35th birthday

1867923This is a big turning point in my life. It makes me inquire about what have I done for the past 35 five years & it makes me wonder what will come in the later years. I honestly feel I am turning 25… only wiser. I feel wonderful about my inner & outer self more than ever before, yet I am baffled to see some gray hairs on my head. In 5 short years I will turn the big four O! I keep repeating to myself it is only a number nothing more!

I honestly believe life is not about taking years out of one’s life but adding life to our years. Yes I would love to stop the outward aging process but NEVER the inner. Yes I have gray hair, but I also am more confident in my own skin than ever before (I would never trade that!). Taking the good with the bad. As simple as that. Aging gracefully is the way to go! Accepting my physical changes & embracing my emotional ones. As opposed to getting crazy with surgery in an unnecessary attempt to match a physical ideal.

Nobody handed me my age in a silver platter, I had to live every single nanosecond of it. That is why I’ll share with you 35 things I have learned so far about life:

1. The older I get the less attention I pay to what people say & more to what people do.

2. I left my ‘all or nothing’ mentality way back in my twenties.

3. In relationships it is all about connecting emotionally with people, reading between the lines.

4. Procrastinate productively.

5. Reaching my goals faster is not the trick, it is reaching them better.

6. Between joyful & right, I choose joyful.

7. My worst moments are my best teachers.

8. Slowing down, becoming more calm & accepting what is as opposed as how I want it to be – if and when I can’t do anything to change it.

9. I will never be all things to all people. And that is SO ok!

10. I’ve learned that not everything that comes out of people’s mouths is important or should be taken into consideration. Let go of unnecessary information.

11. Fresh sheets on my bed are a big deal.

12. Friends are the best & cheapest form of therapy.

13. If I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of anybody else.

14. Honesty to myself and others is always the best policy.

15. Losing a person does not mean stopping the relationship I have with them, sometimes it becomes better.

16. Being at peace with everybody has nothing to do with everybody & everything to do with me.

17. Perfectionism is more about what other people think, striving to be better is more about what I think of myself. Choose the latter. Breaking up with perfectionism obligates me to be me.

18. Family is love’s gymnasium.

19. I don’t need to have everything figured out to be happy.

20. The older I get the less interested I become in material stuff.

21. An empty schedule is a thing of beauty.

22. Love no matter what.

23. When I go into a room full of people to give a speech or class, I get to absorb their energy & they get to absorb mine, this makes me giddy and brings joy to my heart.

24. Girlfriends are priceless.

25. A heart-felt hug is my favorite gift.

26. I’ve learned that we have two ears & one mouth for a reason.

27. Expectations are fast tracks to resentments.

28. You should only compare yourself to your former self.

29. Kindness is a choice that has nothing to do with others and everything to do with me.

30. The more I know, the more I find out how little I actually know…. no kidding!

31. Parenthood teaches more about life than anything else in the world put together.

32. Sleep is a priority.

33. Drama is only meant in our tweens.

34. Music transports my soul.

35. God within me makes me valuable, worthy & powerful beyond measure.

and a freebie: Let go… no seriously LET GO of people, situations & expectations… the good ones always stay freely!

I can’t wait to see what my 40s are going to bring me!… Oh yes I can 😉

Posted in Nuggets of Wisdom, Rapport | Tagged ,

From fear to love

Image“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”- John Lennon

Forgiveness is continuous. It is not something we do once in a while when someone wrongs us. Forgiveness is a constant decision we make every single day, every single moment – when we have a bad thought, when someone acts in a less than desirable way, when we misinterpret something, etc. Forgiveness is a state of mind & the key to inner peace because it is one of the most powerful ways to transform our thoughts and actions from fear to love. Our perceptions of others often become a battle between our ego’s desire to judge and our soul’s desire to accept people as they are. Forgiveness helps us ease our away into the latter. Our society’s most insidious cancer is fear; one of the worst types of it is the feeling of ‘never being good enough.’ Our self-loathing – for not being perfect – can sometimes take ridiculous heights like trying to prove our self-worth to everybody we come across, which kicks our inner peace out the curb. Controlling situations & people is another form of fear, by doing so we are making sure that people keep their distance from us because we are not helping them exercise their free will & situations will not properly fall into place. Therefore, we become restless, sad & yes… more fearful.

“We don’t need to be successful in order to be happy, yet we need to be happy in order to be truly successful”- Unknown

People & situations are ever changing. One day people love you, the next they don’t (which was never love to begin with). One day situations are running smoothly, the next they don’t. One day you feel good about yourself, the next minute and a half you don’t… the list is endless. The only certain thing is change & it usually is beyond our control, thus we become frantic. The only thing within our control is the way we choose to perceive people & situations. Perceiving correctly will, of course, become second nature through awareness & practice.

At times, we become desperate looking for validation anywhere we can find it, we search under the rocks if we have to, yet we fail to realize that our value lies within ourselves – God’s dwelling place. All we have to do is acknowledge it, then and only then will we need not look for it elsewhere. People will not tell us we’re worthy half as much as they know we are. We need to internalize that we are period!

Image“Pain is not the result from the love we are denied by others, but rather from the love we deny them”- A Return to love

When people act in a less than loving way, we have to remember that it is not hate that drives their action but pain & pain needs love to heal. Our power lies in understanding what is really behind the other person’s action… but if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also… Matt. 5:39… Yes, yes I can hear your reaction, “Are you telling me not to defend myself if someone physically attacks me?” well, yes in a way. The nature of Jesus’ statement is that we should be motivated by love and a desire for the redemption and forgiveness of offenders instead of revenge, while opposing their actions. Of course Jesus does not want us to become doormats during an attack, he just wants us to remember that our reaction should be one that is above & beyond the other person’s action. We should defend ourselves in a way that we don’t foster hate.

“Remember that light always casts out darkness – when present – yet darkness can never cast out light”- Unknown

I personally think that fear thrives in relationships. Fear of being rejected; fear of losing the person we love; fear that we are less than expected. We fear constantly whether we are conscious of it or not. Yet when we fear we are not acting upon the other person’s best interest because we are not giving ourselves fully, but partially. When we fear we are not loving we are probing, thus allowing the relationship to become less than fulfilling at best or either toxic or non-existent at worst. It is only when we love fully without reserves – without fear – that a relationship will thrive when it serves us and move on when it doesn’t. Neediness is public offender number one in any relationship. Why? because it is all about us NOT the ones we love, therefore extremely selfish yet cleverly disguised as love. Neediness is 100% ego. Neediness begs the other person to fill the gaping hole in our soul. Try as they might people will never be able to do that, only God can. Our neediness is a reflection of the feeling of not being good enough. We need to abandon this idea in order to stop this insane roller coaster of unnecessary pain. When we truly love someone we need to release them in order to allow them to be who they need to be or go where they need to go.

In genuine love there is no wanting or needing whatsoever, we are complete beings who allow other complete beings to share our journey. This is would be the best case scenario. We should be able to say to our significant other, “I don’t need you & you don’t need me to be happy and that’s exactly what we need to make our relationship work.” Self-love is at the center of every good relationship. If I am sure that I’m not good enough, I will find it hard to accept someone in my life who thinks I am. People think they need to find the right mate to complete them, I think they need to be complete to find the right mate.

“Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.”- Osho

I’ve learned – and still am – that peace isn’t determined by circumstances outside ourselves. Peace roots from self-love which comes from God & from the love and forgiveness we give to others. It is our failure to accept people exactly as they are that enables pain to overshadow our love in any relationship. We love fully when we let people be who they are – whatever stage of their growing process they might find themselves in. Acceptance fosters growth, unacceptable inhibits it.

ImageChasing happiness is like chasing the ever so elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the more desperate our search becomes, the more happiness will elude us. Why? because happiness is already inside of us when we acknowledging it. How? by shifting our perceptions in correct alignment with the truth. What is the truth? an open heart. ‘An open heart will move us in the direction we are supposed to go.’- A Return to love.

I think fear will never fully leave us, therefore we have to look for ways to make peace with it, not attack it. I think that anything we attack we give more power. The idea is to acknowledge the fear within and let go – let go of the idea of not being good enough, allow people to be, think, act however they choose to without letting it shake your inner peace, let go of pride (which is masked fear) etc. This can only come from a higher power from within – The Holy Spirit. The gap between love and fear is within ourselves.

 “Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting it on yourself.”

― Og Mandino

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Child’s Discipline

parenting handsFrom all the things that parenting entails, discipline is the one that comes hardest to me (are you with me parents?) Yes, I’ve read all some books about the subject: “To spank, or not to spank: that is the question.” While some specialists swear that spanking leads to psychological trauma, there are seasoned parents who think that it’s all poppycock. I’ve been a parent for five years and still have no clue who to believe? I don’t want to mess up my children, yet there are times when a slap in the rear end is very much called for.

I honestly think all responsible parents have a hard time with this one, yet we all strive to perfect a system that works for us. We can all agree that discipline should be delivered with deep respect and love for the child.

I myself was never spanked. My mother never lifted her arms at me to throw me anything or belittle me (God bless her soul.) Her way of getting my attention was with LOTS of talk and patience. My dad (wrongly but thankfully) left most of the disciplining to my mom. Have I seen her angry? Indeed I have! Yet she had a way of relieving herself before she taught me a lesson. That was her way. Maybe that’s one of the many reasons I have trouble with spanking my own children. I admittedly have less patience with my children than my mom had with my brother and me. I am SO working on this one!

“Being a parent is a huge privilege, and I’m learning that a true mutual respect is what we’re here as parents to create—a deep respect that is built, over time, within us and between us”- Elena Brower

The Parents’ Tao Te Ching:

When your children behave,
give them respect and kindness.
When your children misbehave,
give them respect and kindness.

When they are hateful,
love them.
When they betray your trust,
trust them.

Believe this difficult truth:
Showing respect in the face of disrespect,
love in the face of hate,
trust is the face of betrayal,
and serenity in the face of turmoil,
will teach your children more
than all the moral lectures
since the dawn of time.

When I have found myself lashing out at my children, I then feel an insurmountable amount of anguish and guilt (welcome to parenthood!) that does not let me rest. And I feel proud to say that I have asked my children to forgive me for the unreasonable ways I’ve reacted at times; I immediately feel a sense of relief both in me and them (because children will always find a way of making themselves guilty of our anger rage.)

family by valeriaAs parents, we get to write in the blank slate of another human being. We have A LOT to say in the kind of people our children will become. What a HUGE responsibility! Much to our dislike, parenting, as everything else, is a trial and error approach, and one size does not fit all. Discipline is a MUST! But HOW? is the question. The Bible has many a thing to say in this regard, for example:

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”- Proverbs 13:24

This verse leaves a lot to interpretation. Does it!? For instance:

The word “rod” is translated from the Hebrew word shebet. A shebet is a shepherd’s staff or a king’s scepter, and it symbolizes authority. A shebet was used to guide sheep and to protect them by fighting off predators – not to strike the sheep. Using the word shebet, God gives parents the authority and responsibility to discipline – a word meaning to teach – their children.

I ask myself: “When it comes to spanking, whatever happened to: “Love is kind, love is patient… love is not easily angered…” how does this apply to rearing a child?

I am no expert, I am just your average christian mom trying to make sense out of this difficult yet necessary endeavour called discipline. One thing I truly and honestly feel from the bottom of my heart is to NEVER discipline in anger. This is very hard to accomplish yet absolutely necessary when it comes to helping our children to adjust from their natural misbehaving ways to an adequate demeanor.

I bet that when we TRULY understand the ways God loves and disciplines us, we will have a clearer perspective on how we should discipline our children.

I am ambivalent about spanking my children. I trust God will speak to my unrelenting heart. Amen!

Posted in Life...it happens, Parenting, Piece of "Mine" | Tagged , , , ,

Let light shine out of darkness

“The faith that is born in the light is often developed in the dark”- Adrian Rogers

home-alone-loneliness-seascape-paintings-screen-319027What do we, children of God, do when the lights go out & darkness, despair, fear, loneliness, sorrow wakes us up in the middle of the night & hits us like a ton of bricks? When nothing around us makes sense… do we question God? Do we find ourselves asking why? And if so, is it wrong to do so?

No, it’s not. But the better question is how. The former question might never be answered; the latter will, if & when we ask diligently. Yet, in the midst of our sorrow most of us tend to tell ourselves, “My pain would be more bearable if I only knew why!” So then, why isn’t God eager to answer the why? I believe pain has a divine purpose, for it takes center stage in the drama of our spiritual growth & emotional maturity. 

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”- Matthew 16:24

Ergo, to follow Christ without bearing our cross is impossible. If we choose to follow Him & let go of our cross, what we are really following is our own will disguised by His will.  But what is ‘our cross’ exactly? I’m going to take a shot & say it’s letting go of our ego which is to – deny oneself.

“A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.”- Unknown

Jesus never promised life would be easy, He just said that in Him it’d be worthwhile. If we try to free ourselves from pain, discomfort, inconvenience all the time, at all costs we start to gravitate towards ourselves & therefore begin to lose our purpose, the purpose of that which we are created for. Matthew 16:24 refers to a calling for absolute surrender to Him; surrender of our will, our wants, our needs, our minds, our hearts… to His will. When all is well in our lives, this becomes smooth sailing. Our real commitment & true character manifest when troubles arise. And they will.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”- John 16:33

Mind you, this world is not meant to be all tragedy & sorrow. Absolutely not! If so, what would be the purpose of it all. The real tragedy arises when we do not fulfill the purpose for which we are created & choose to do as we will, thus sorrow will follow.

Allow me to illustrate the ‘purpose of our creation’ in this little story:

A man walks into a gadget store & immediately becomes surrounded by all sorts of gadgets big & small, nice & plain, soft & hard, colorful & pale, etc. He feels curious & starts looking for the one that appeals to him the most. He then says to the clerk (who happens to be the gadgets’ owner & creator) “I want to buy this nifty looking gadget, it seems multi-purpose”, “Very well,” said the clerk “I’ll wrap it up for you, the manual is in the box.” So the guy goes home, unwraps the item & dazzles by its beauty & immediately proceeds to use it in all the ways it seems useful. But forgets to read the manual. He, then gets angry because the gadget seems not to accomplish its ‘multi-purposes’ or so he thought. And storms his way into the clerk’s store & begins rambling about the ‘useless’ gadget. The clerk patiently let’s him finish & asks “Did you, by any chance, read the manual?”, “Uh, no,” said the gentleman “Ah, very well then, read it & come back,” said the clerk. Off he went to read the manual & returned to offer the clerk an apology. “Had I not read the manual, like you told me, I would’ve never used this amazing gadget to its fullest potential.” The clerk just smiled.

Guess who’s the gadget? Yep, you got it, it’s you! And God is the clerk/owner/creator. Our life’s purpose will only be fulfilled if we read our manual (The Bible) & trust our creator by surrendering to His will. The guy who bought the gadget is our will. By living our lives however we choose to, not taking into account our Manual, we are not using our lives proficiently thus, become angry (at God) for feeling so empty or useless.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”- Jeremiah 29:11

On our own & without pain, we would never unravel our purpose in life, for we need to put in the backseat our ever so present, invasive ill-disposed ego. God wants us to live out the best versions of ourselves & uses pain to catapult us towards that direction. If, we so choose to. We get to decide the direction we want our pain to lead us, it’s either up or down. But it leaves us never ever the same than before. Bar none.

Every-cloud-has-a-silver-liningWe’re never alone in the depths of our sorrow, our silver lining comes from the Holy Spirit that dwells within us. God’s Spirit prays with & for us, that which God is pleased to answer, for our own enlightenment, which is always in alignment to His perfect purpose.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”- Romans 8:26

 

God is capable of changing all circumstances in our favor. But God is seldom in the business of making us happy. He wants to fulfill His purpose in our lives so we can truly thrive in this world & the next. For in the light that shines out of darkness lies the things we could not understand otherwise.

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”- 2 Corinthians 4:6

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Let love be genuine

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

love our neighborLet love be genuine. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:9-21

This is the standard by which we should love. It’ll take us our whole lives & probably we won’t get even close, but our strive will make a world of difference.

“I don’t need to know you too much to love you, because my love for you is not based solely on your character, but on your humanity”- qualia for life

selflove1‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’- Mark 12:31 – is a powerful statement; it’s hard to warp our minds in it & fully embrace its concept. But the fact is, it implies no less than how we should feel towards one another. How to get there, you ask me? I wish I knew exactly. My take is that being at peace & deeply loving ourselves would be a good start. We can’t really love others if we don’t feel worthy of love ourselves. Guess who makes us feel worthy? Yes, you got it! God. For He is love.

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”- 1 John 4:8

Part of self-loving is admitting one’s own flaws & mistakes. It is seeing ourselves as we are as opposed of how we want others to see us. It is no easy task. No masks! Just truth. It’s allowing ourselves to be vulnerable as opposed to needy. Genuine as opposed to almighty. Few things displease me more than people who display all kinds & styles of adulation only to make themselves look good. Who are they trying to kid? It is better to refrain ourselves from this pathetic charade if we’re searching for others’ sympathy. From mine at least. People can tell the difference, maybe not at the moment but soon enough.

Let love be genuine… in its proportion… until it becomes wholeheartedly!

Posted in l´amour | Tagged , , , , ,

How I met my children


While in heaven I found myself surrounded by a multitude of childlike angelic beings, all dressed up in pearl-colored robes, singing harmonic carols in mellifluent voices. I went one by one trying to see if I recognized my children in them but to no avail, all I saw were similar looking faces. I asked God if I could pick a few of them to be my earthly children. He said no. I will pick them for you. I said to Him, “Surely you know better than I do what kind of children will best fit me.” He then gave me a gaze I’ll never forget & said, “What I know for sure is the kind of mother these children will need.” Then I woke up to find it was all a dream, yet felt so real… then I glanced at my sleeping children & sighed, “God could have not done a better job.”

– qualiaforlife

Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , ,

Back to the 80’s

“If I could have it over, live my life again, I wouldn’t change a single day”- Johnny Hates Jazz

 

It’s a secret to no one that I have a love affair with the glorious & infamous 1980’s decade. I decidedly won’t get into political history here. My focus about it is first & foremost what I remember & love about it nowadays. I did not care about many things back then which I now find utterly enticing. Pop culture in a nutshell.

I miss a time when…

… I could actually enjoy the Disney Channel’s programing … my only phone number was a landline … a band aid & a kiss from mom cured almost anything … “The Wonder Years” was how I learned about the ‘hard’ lessons in life … blackberry & apple were just fruits … there was less violence around … name brands did not end in dot com … I didn’t care how much I ate … I could see a kid fall down from his/her bike without a mother screaming like crazy … I watched cartoons like there was no tomorrow … sitting on the sidewalk with friends & neighbors drinking bottled soda & telling jokes was the highlight of my day …”The Mickey Mouse Club” was my favorite time in front of the tube … celebrating my birthday at a fast food restaurant was a dream come true … I didn’t waste time texting … I cried in my mother’s lap without feeling awkward … I didn’t care who I hung out with as long it was a kid … I could actually talk to people face to face (which is my favorite means of communication) … I thought playing video games in the arcade was cool … roller skating in a rink with friends was my favorite downtime …the list is endless.

I can’t help myself enough… it’s insane!!!! Love the music, the not so mainstream technology, the colors, the sounds, the food, the fashion – yes you read well: the fashion, hold the mullet – & above all the memories. I sometimes feel warped in a different time zone when I listen to its music, watch movies, TV shows, commercials, etc. The nostalgia becomes crazy at times. I sometimes wonder why I love it so much? It certainly has more to do with remembering my childhood & less to do with the actual vibe of the time. The truth of the matter is everything 80’s reminds me of a carefree time in my life. It takes me way back when in a nanosecond & I absolutely LOVE it (not that I don’t love my present life… I most certainly do!).

Remembering the 80s helps me see how uncomplicated things were (looking through the eyes of a child of course) & makes me want to truly enjoy the simple things in life. Children don’t need much to be happy. Much of what they need is our unconditional love & time. So I make it a point to pave the way for my kids to enjoy what I did have… an amazing childhood. A much simpler one than what passes around for childhood these days.

I’m not one to dismiss the benefits new technology has to offer. If anything it enables me to relive (free of charge) my 80’s rendezvous (thank heavens for youtube). But I try to parent in a way that technology will not overshadow the good stuff like good ol’ board games, for example. I think as parents we shouldn’t just focus on giving our children what we didn’t have when we were children, but on trying to provide the good things we did have, case in point: an actual childhood! I honestly don’t think that our noble attempt on making out of our children the best possible human beings ever made, should cram our kid’s schedule with a series of non stop activities, so they can hold up to the standards we never could. As Susan Powter would say: “Stop the insanity!!”

And I’m all for providing children with the best possible education money can buy & stimulating them to choose extracurricular activities, so long as they don’t feel overwhelmed. The problem arises if & when we are led by fear when enabling all those things to them. Fear of them never amounting to anything. Fear of them choosing a ‘bad’ career. Fear that they might be rejected. Fear that they may never achieve their full potential. Fear of them never truly finding themselves. The list goes on… And so we become obsessed.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”- 1 John 4:18

I leave you with a song from the 80s (of course) which I absolutely love & fully picks up my sentiment over the passing of time… alluding childhood:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51NAFhGDIYw

Posted in Life...it happens | Tagged , , , , , ,

Oh the joy of loving a boy!

I’ll be your first kiss, your first love, your first friend & you’ll be my whole world… I’m your momma & you’re my ‘sun’

When you’re old enough – my son – you’ll learn that the first woman who ever loved you, who ever thought how beautiful you were (and still are), who couldn’t stop staring at you the minute she first laid eyes on you & wrapped you in her arms, who knew that love at first sight is not a myth is, in fact, me… your mom. Yet, I know I don’t possess you & never will. God chose me to be your mom not your wife. Even if you stay single, your life is what you choose it to be. But, maybe one day you’ll meet the woman in your life (not too soon I fancy). And hopefully I will not have to compete for your love & time because I know she will have the preeminence in your life (Ephesians 5:31).

People say it’s hard to let go of daughters but it’s even harder to let go of sons. I’ll pass on this one. But, they probably say this because boys tend to immerse themselves in their own family’s affairs & seldom have time for their parents. As opposed to daughters who juggle their time between their own new family & their parents/siblings/friends as a way of life. Of course, this is not written in stone. But, as of right now, all I know is that you’re mine for the time being & I don’t intend on wasting it!

“To a son, his mother is the first & most constant expression of what a woman is”- Ron Elmore

People often tell me how beautiful & lovable you are and they leave me wondering, “Can they really see what I see in you or are they just being nice?”… I will make myself happy & go with the former. “Will they ever understand the power of your smile over me?” I know not. And probably never will. All who are mothers may have a hint.

“My son, watching you grow has been a delight. I look at you & wonder what dreams you will dream, what mountains you will climb, what joys you will have. I know there will be tears, but my prayer is that you will grow into the man you are meant to be.”- Unknown

The day your dad & I were scheduled for the appointment to get a 4D ultrasound & find out your gender, I was a nervous wreck. Yes, I’d rehearsed a gazillion times in my mind that either way I couldn’t go wrong. If I had a girl she’d be of great company to your big sister. If I had a boy I’d have both sexes, yippie! I was honestly rooting for a boy, but knew I’d be perfectly OK if I had another girl. Yet, I couldn’t understand why my mind was making such a big deal out of it, but it did. I mean it’s not like the physician was going to tell us: “It’s a martian for you guys.”

Our mind has a way of making us feel things we don’t properly understand at the moment. Now that I think of it, it was probably due to the fact that if I had a boy I would have to adjust many things into place, from the color of the crib’s bed sheets to overcoming my insecurities of the right ways to bond with my son – which clearly are different from my daughter’s. I was so used to “raising” a daughter (for a year & ten months) hence my focus on pink purple. That after the female physician said “boy” my mind started racing at the speed of light, picturing all the things that I will go through in life with a son. From the way I would potty train you, to your first date & those hairy strong arms that would wrap around me every time you’d said hi or bye. I can’t wait for them… Oh yes I can!

When I broke the news that my second child was going to be a boy, I was bombarded with all sorts of comments such as, “You’re going to fall madly in love with your little boy”… but I’m madly in love with my daughter, how is that any different? – I thought … “Little boys love their mommies”… ok, just as little girls do – I assumed. I’ve heard that mothers & sons have a special bond… Boy, was I in for a treat!

My love for you & your sister is amazingly different… yet astoundingly equal.

“Help me raise a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak & brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat & humble and gentle in victory.”- Douglas MacArthur

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